Being gay is like....

When you are gay you have to shift the world to suit you. You have to take that dread in the pit of your belly, and be belligerent and single minded in your fear of rejection, assault and insults. Your fear of isolation, damnation, loneliness, abandonment.

As a lesbian, every time I say no to an unspoken social cue from a man I am reminded that I am fighting convention, already my energy is spent on trying to make a safe space for me without upsetting others. At the very best it is like being stuck in a tight space where your presence is like a smelly fart. It is just hard on my psyche, hard on my life. 

Finding love it not so easy, friendships are confusing, who you can trust has disproportionate results when you get it wrong. And then there is the constant battle with yourself. You wonder when things go wrong is it because I am lesbian? Could my life have been easier if I were not?