One of those mornings

It is one those mornings when you get out of bed and wonder if it's worth it. One of those days when you look at your life and not hate, just don't feel up to it. But you have to. Why do you have to?
Well firstly because you know you will feel better later. Some random something will cheer you up for no reason.
There is no reason why you heart heavy and your feet feel like lead. No reason why your eyes are dry and dull and empty,  your lips heavy and sad. No reason why you site in your large spacious office and look at emails with uncomfortable feelings. You look around you and cannot appreciate what you have but can see what you have not, where you have failed where you have fallen.
You go through your folders from 2017, 2014, 2008, and feel sorry for the person struggling through trying something. Trying to be better, always trying to be better.
I am not young like I once was. I am tired and slow and beaten. I still believe in love and life and God and sometimes I dream. But mostly I wake up and I am there. I am there in a place that means nothing, I have run around and I am back in the same spot but weaker, cynical, tired.

Today I meant to be alive.

Hausa -  ban san inda kai na yeke ba. Ban san mai ke mini daddi ko yaya zan cigaba da duniya. Ba awre nake da ba, ko da ya ke ba na son maza. Bari na gyra magana. Ban no son awren na miji. Kuma bani da karfi fada da duniya.

To yanzu yaya ke nan