my human teddy bear

Your quiet moan my cascade of shivers such perfect skin my own undoing

What am I doing “rubbing” you as you say why you allow me my charms plenteous

Real talk it has been so long years and further if ever that there was an I and another person (you) in this space

The restrictions titillating and safe Its perfect I don’t want you I stare at your face and think no not me , I hear your voice, intonation, drama and say not me not me not me the soft stomach scarred c-section and mans problem. #A MAN! And I say no not me.

You smell nice, you are nice, you cook nice, you are tall nice, you shape nice with those long tapered fingers, you make my home  a home nice

The skin away from your face is amazing my fingers and palms gladly trace your back, your hand

I was up all night can you tell, we grew close at 3am

There was fear there there always is my signals of distance must be fog horn loud I wonder why my signals for closeness seems to me less than clear to others and I felt you stop I don’t desire you the barriers to you exciting yes

But I lie your strength is desirous, the love you have for your children is desirous, you are desirous, I desire you

There was jealousy when your fiancé rang or did you ring him – do not intrude in this precious cocoon oh reality oh life

Do not intrude into my fantasy, my surrogate, my cuddles, hugs, finger tracing, tickles, laughter,

Life keep away from mine intimacy – I don’t burn for you as I am wont to do

I am obsessing as is my norm _ I obsess not for you in particular or rather _ I obsess on the sloppy kiss on the cheek  glasses unhinged comically_ I obsess about

It is so easy when you don’t really want something when you can do without to be cool it is impossible once the guards are down not to become who you intrinsically are and die for that person so close. I have no shield I expect a bitter end I wish my life a fairy tale.

It really is so much easier I am ambivalent but an addict once I have had a taste

What is “lesbian bed death” if not  last night/ this morning

Do I want to touch you forever? No I do not but yet this child will break the toy

My human teddy bear