crazies

i am writing on my skin with a black Bic pen
setting recurrences on my blackberry phone
tweeting inspirations I will never reference
wondering if I will not slit my wrist, will not get stoned, will make it to draw
the long sleeves of my short dress do not hide the scrawls on my arms
neither does the smiles of my teeth and lips reach my eyes
And I wonder, with shame do my thoughts make you uncomfortable? The messages I communicate do you not want to hear them anymore?
They are not wistful or banal not community appropriate
they are needy and desperate and ugly and messy
I should take the shame by the scruff and stuff into your mouth as you choke with pride
don't pretend if my shame shames you keep away I do not accept your dump today and very likely I will stop the light from entering your soul when I regurgitate your mess


She pushed me and I let her push me
I invited her in making friendship with a shrink whose mug face just grunts and groans

Accept her challenge as one step closer to taking a multipurpose perspective on my life, ugly ass bitch