Don't take your wellness and give it to someone

I feel like calling my friend up and talking about the weekend incident. I didn't feel like it before, my phone has been switched off I didn't want the mess to pull me down.

But I say

No!

You don't take your wellness and give it to someone else. Like it has no fucking value. I must appreciate my own damn self. I was a mess on Sunday, a mess on Monday and even till this morning I was still a damn mess.

Waking up at 5, fighting the urge to get up. Going downstairs with darkness all around to put on a DVD so I can start my practice. Fighting through sleep and thoughts and downness. How quickly I forget the shittyness of my days, the stress of my thoughts, my body pulling me down to match my own lips.

How quickly I disregard the worth of the effort it took to bring me to this space. This light kindly friendly concerned wellness. Where I can walk to work and not get pissed off by others commuters. And get into the office and not be panicked that I am 10 mins late. To make mumbles to my boss in appropriate tonal voice. to want to smile and enjoy weightlessness around my shoulders.

I did for me, by myself with no help from her nor any other living soul. It is for me. I don't know how long it will last and what casual causal nonsense will bring me down like a sinking stone.

Just as I am making the most of the time I sit alone in the office to work on activities that clear my soul as well as my desk in the manner that is most appealing to all you lizards out there. I will guard my wellness today right now, safeguarded for me and my soul.