Mod-alert

In my bid to feel original I sometimes wonder if I am mad. I work on not talking out loud when speaking to myself. This cold morning walking on the Finchley road platform, I had a conversation that was clear and crisp and it made me wonder, am I allowing myself to be mad?

I am reading the Idiot and I took modalert so maybe it all makes sense in context.

I missed two classes of fencing, a class I had to steal to pay for. Karma, still going to French, I have my weekend back aiming for library at 9 am. Tai chi, I notice I do my yoga only when my muscles ache. Is that why my ankle was funny?

Speaking of Tai Chi, I felt weird. I was happy to see some people but others just irritated me. And as usual my intense admiration turns into an intense distaste? That is just me love hard hate hard.

I spoke to mum on her birthday, spoke to sis last weekend and a couple of cousins. Picking up R’s phone calls, seeing E on Friday if she doesn’t cancel. For sure she is worse than I am.

Worse than I am, the new DP is getting on my nerves. It could be jealousy on my part. I am leaving this year. To something better, yes I know a grand statement. But you will see!  I will see! I will too. 

I hope M pulls through with today.

I wonder if I can get away with just studying weekends. I know I really should do it every day so it gets easier.

It sounds paranoid but wished to have my weekend back and I did. I wished to not have a great lumping third wheel and I did.  I wish for money, job and love and I did not get it. So maybe not.