I'm ok

Kid,

You are not even a reality right now. But it came to me this morning walking up to Tavistock that safety and security, your sense of self and identity I want to give that to be able to give that or try to.

I was in the library this weekend, almost didn’t make it. I could barely sit for four hours Sunday, Saturday with a hangover I did four hours maybe? Jeez this is the second Monday I have had this cold.

Anyway, met E on Friday, almost missed it, we went to a French place. Talked, whatever sense drunken people can make I am sure I did, got to talking with 2 lawyers, probably in their 40s or early 50s.

Oh man, personal boundaries, I kept touching E, the lawyer, madness, wonder if it was the drinking or latent frustrations, anyway now I know.

Taking a back seat at work – when I remember that is- knowing how much I am being paid in comparison does that to a person. And also not getting the promotion doesn’t help.

I am on course to passing this May. Not sure if i am doing the performance operations, financial operations & enterprise management or just one as E seems to think is best. All depends I have 4 moda left, saving them for weekends just in case they don’t arrive.

Still haven’t heard anything about L’s meds, tomorrow is the 31^st will contact them then.

I was crazy down on myself on Saturday, was it the drink? I caught it, I was aware of it and I tried to manage it.

What is my issue with people’s perceptions of me? I thought I didn’t care, obviously I do care. Or was it that I was just hating, I needed something to hate on and that was all I had.

Went to Darwin’s @ Senate with G, we had a burger (Dutch), next time I am going Dutch with E.

Last weekend H was going on about me being hyper and how she could not stand it. In a nice way of course, it’s making me pause.

But it’s ok, I don’t feel suicidal or depressed. I went to Tai Chi, will go fencing, went to French, went, stayed and studied in the library. I even spoke to some teens who had music on in an unemotional short and effective way. I was able to tune out noise and distractions.

I did my hair. Met up with E, answered R’s phone call, I am at work now and not in bed. I walked L and K individually.

I have done well. I feel ok.