Mildly suicidal

Got up, exercised, took supplements, walked the dogs. Felt fine a little fatigue around the legs, shoulders maybe tighter that I would have liked. Usual battle with negative thoughts, coped well with them.

Fancy some eggs and instant noodles for dinner tonight, head straight to the cash point. Bank balance = crash. Was not an instant crash, more of a creeping feeling of nastiness.  Got the tenner, boarded the train. Between Finchley road and Euston square, I couldn’t pay for tai chi, yoga or French, couldn’t pay for CIMA lessons.  I was unemployed, unemployable, couldn’t pay the mortgage, by the time I was out of the station I had slit both wrist with a lovely sharp blade and gently bleed. In the movies it’s done in a bath with lukewarm clear water.

Obviously I will not ask my mother for help, blinkered bitch.  

 Anyway by the time the office was round the corner I decided French, yoga, tai chi were tools and I was not going to lie down.

Got into work Y is back, D’s chatting rubbish and I feel much better.