fight/release

I sip on cool water to cool my blood, to soothe my head and calm my heart.

My tongue is dark and heavy, my spit infused with heat.

Bubbles of unkind words and thoughts cram my cranium behind my eyes.

My head is light my shoulder short and bulging with tension.

I let the cold water tap run, overflowing from the coffee stained mug.

I lower my head down towards the sink and stretch backwards.

Breathe.

But I can’t release the tightness round my chest.

The series of thoughts chasing round my head.

Relax into the stretch. Breathe.

I can’t. I must be. I am still here.

I sip on the cool water. I look into the stained birthday cup.

I will have to get some work done.

I wonder if I should throw up.

I am going to the market at 4 am.

I will not let myself give in.

There may not be something there for me. Can I even afford the ticket there?

The cool tips of my left fingers on my raised tense left shoulder, the warming fingers pressed down. Travelling up the left side of my neck, something has to change.

I have to make a move