I can do this

It is worse than I say but to say it as it is seems such guilt
I feel to lie down in the stale dark on microscopic debris of dead and dirt
With dry sleep and saliva on my face my purple scarf protecting less
I clump my way to the loo, careful not to step on the dogs, careful not to step on my head
I eat burnt beans, dry and salty I don’t care
Clicking on the laptop looking for escape till there is nothing left to watch or listen or see

Every Monday this January I am low, my belly strains at my trousers
The weekend does not seem to refresh me but plunges me into a two day old wash water
Just stagnant and familiar, safe hiding place
But I am glad for Mondays even though I don’t feel it at the time
Because there are many things I want to do and I am doing
My world seems to be full of strong gusts particular to me specific to me
In a way I am in world within a world within a world
I sit on my palm and blow at myself
If only I could watch me the giant watching me the little person

It is not really my world
It’s me
My world is a safe place

I did it I did It

One out of four on 11/01/10
Zero out of four on 12/01/10 put a very productive French and Piano lesson
Two and a half out of four last night 13/01/10 not forgetting I booked my exam so the end of the month
Today gym at 18:30 aiming for sage tutorial 2 assessment during lunch break I can do it

I can do it!

It was hard, I was stressed out
I watched my back talk
Positive affirmations
Found solutions
Kept my appointment with me

Today I feel sparky

I can do it

I will do it